Kinetic Loop

People love to advertise ridiculous jobs on Craigslist. For some reason, the listings for “personal assistant” tend to be the most bizarre, inappropriate, and downright skeevy stuff you’ll see anywhere. Here are several highlights from my travels on Craigslist Chicago:

1.) “Personal Assistant/Muse — Will need to anticipate and be attentive to the needs of this exec as well as willing and able relieve pressure related to day to day stress of business. The situation requires the applicant to be flexible and open minded.”

2.) “In addition to whatever duties are involved in being an assistant I would request that you be female, under 35, attractive, in-shape, open-minded and fun. I understand that some people might believe that this is a shallow request but this is the type of person that I am looking for. If you believe that you might be interested please reply above with resume and face pic.”

3.) “Incredibly busy neurosurgeon / academic / other interesting things seeks part-time personal assistant to assume myriad tasks and to act as a unifying, central base for his heavily-scheduled life. Most work would be conducted out of home office, and would consist of schedule coordination with 3 women who support him in various jobs.”

4.) “Overworked, overwhelmed business man needs help to put his thoughts in to action. My Thought Rocket should be focused well organized, good researcher,computer savvy and a self motivated intelligent woman.”

5.) “Interviewing for a female assistant. Errands, travel arrangements, light cleaning, light massage. Serious replies only please.”

6.) “I am a businessman looking for a second live-in personal assistant. I already have one live-in assistant, but I need a second to assist with work load. Lots of travel with expenses paid. If you are ambitious, there is no limit on how well you could do financially. You will need to relocate to Arizona within a month. “

7.) “I am a 42 yr old white male looking for a female(race open) personal assistant. No salary offered. I offer in exchange for your services is to share my studio apartment with me rent free. I do have a lady that comes once a month and cleans. No sexual favors demanded.”

8.) “I am looking for a lady personal assistant.”

9.) “Executive & Personal Assistant needed to manage unique local Wrigleyville “home” office — Candidate must be bright, energetic, physically fit, Live-in position with an apartment provided in Wrigleyville. [Tasks include:] assist with the occasional care of one loveable border-collie Shepard mix (daycare drop-off and pick-up, vet and grooming appointments, travel arrangements, and other duties as needed when he is in Chicago).”